MARRIAGE & FAMILY RELATIONS

God and Man

Genesis 2:7

“And the Lord God formed man of the dust of the ground, and breathed into his nostrils the breath of life; and man became a living soul.”

Note: Adam had a relationship with God before he had one with Eve.  Only God can tell you who you are and what you are worth.  Until you know that, you won’t know whether you are in love or in need.  You will keep looking for someone to love you so much that you will finally start feeling good about yourself.  You will try to meet every need and make yourself indispensable and you will feel threatened if they can do anything

without you. 

Adam learned to relate to Eve only after he learned to relate to God.  It is in God’s presence, free from the demands of others that you begin to look at yourself in the right mirror.  It is there that you prepare the gift to be given.  But something has changed in His presence.  Now, you know how much the gift is worth and you will only give it to someone who places the same value on it.  God has always wanted the best for you; He is just waiting for you to come into agreement with Him: “I am your Creator.  You were in my care even before you were born.” (Isaiah 44:2)

Husband & Wife

Genesis 1:26-28, 31

Note: Our mates are not to be a “god” to us…expecting them to meet all our needs for only God can meet all our needs according to His riches in

Christ Jesus. (Philippians 4:19) Nor or we to play god in our mates lives.

“God said, Let us make man in our own image, after our likeness.”

Example: Father…Son…Spirit/ Spirit…Soul…Body

Acceptance: God allowed us to be made as we are so thank Him!

“Male and female created He them.”

In Common: Everyone needs to be loved, to be needed and to be accepted. 

Differences: Physical, Psychological, Needs and Interests.

God created the male…Support, Trust, Leadership, and Encouragement to follow the Lord.   

God created the female…Security, Reassurance, Intimacy of words and touch and Encouragement to follow the Lord.

“God blessed them …be fruitful and multiply”

God commanded the man and woman to have sex!

Male - sight and smell and Female - sound and touch

“God saw everything that He had made, and behold it was very

good.”

God said that sex is VERY good!

Genesis 2:18, 21-25

“God said, It is not good for man to be alone.”

The man and woman need fellowship.

“I will make a help meet for him.

Compliment not compete.

“meet” is Hebrew “fit”

“God took the rib of man and made woman.”

Nearest man’s heart

“woman” is Hebrew “taken out of man”

“Adam: Bone of my bone and flesh of my flesh.”

God gave Eve to Adam as a gift from Him!

Man’s need met: sight, smell, touch

Woman’s need met: hearing, words and touch

Culture often dictates marriage arrangements of decisions being made by:  parents, elders or couple with Godly counsel.

Getting acquainted in marriage should be in the following order: spiritually, intellectually, emotionally, after marriage, sexually.

Important Neuropsychology Information – There are several neurochemical processes that occur during the sexual act.  The brain produces dopamine, which is an internal pleasure/reward system.  It creates the memory and desire to repeat the pleasurable sex experience.

The hormone, oxytocin, is designed to help forget pain.  This hormone is produced primarily in a woman’s body.  For example: when a woman is breast feeding, she produces oxytocin, which bonds her to her child.  The mother and child are emotionally bonded to one another due to skin to skin relationship. 

The same bonding occurs when a woman is sexually intimate with a man.  In the sexual act, oxytocin is released, and this makes her bond to the man emotionally.  Men produce vasopressin, which is referred to as the “monogamy hormone”, and it has the same effect as oxytocin has on a woman.  It bonds the man to a woman.

“Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother.”

Importance of leaving

Father and Mother are role models for good or bad

Honor, respect, Godly counsel

Priorities: God, Husband/Wife, Children, Family, Body of Christ, Vocation, Recreation

“And shall cleave unto his wife.”

Cleave is Hebrew “adhere”

Deuteronomy 24:5 “When a man taketh a new wife, he shall not go out to war, neither shall he be charged with any business: but he shall be free at home one year, and shall cheer up his wife which he hath taken.”

“And they shall be one flesh, naked and not ashamed!”

Love is a choice, act of one’s will

Love is words and action not just passion

Love is commitment and emotions

Matthew 19:6

“Wherefore they are no more two but one flesh.”

Two become one

“What therefore God hath joined together let no man put asunder.”

Divorce: Matthew 5:s7-28; Matthew 15:19; Galatians 5:19

Malachi 2:16 “For the Lord God of Israel saith that He hateth putting away” (God hates divorce!)

I Corinthians 7:3-5“Let the husband render unto his wife due benevolence and likewise also the wife unto the husband.”

Meet sexual needs…please the mate…be sensitive to one another

“The wife hath not power of her own body but the husband: and likewise also the husband hath not power over his own body, but the wife.”

Power: claim or authority

Mates do not have the right to do as one pleases for oneself but for one another.

“Defraud ye not one the other.”

Not deprive one another of sexual needs

“Except it be with consent for a time, that ye may give yourselves to fastings and prayer; and come together again, that Satan tempt you not for your incontinency.”

Temporary and with mutual agreement

Share and talk about sexual needs

Communication: Factual-“weather”, You “accusation” I feel, Solution

I Corinthians 7:33-34 “He that is married careth for the things that are of the world, how he may please his wife.  She that is married careth for the things of the world, how she may please her husband.”

Earthly needs, things

Encourage one another to be all God wants them to be

Give your expectations of your mate to the Lord

Genesis 3:16

“Thy desire shall be to thy husband and he shall rule over thee.”

Woman to desire her husband...is the receiver and responder.

Man is the initiator.

Place over for protection like an umbrella, not lord over!

To go before, lead, guide, by example and persuasion

I Timothy 3:4-5, 12 “Bishop (overseer) must be one that ruleth well his own house.  For if a man know not how to rule his own house, how shall he take care of the church of God?  Let the deacons rule their children and their own house well.”

I Timothy 5:17 “Let the elders that rule well…”

Ephesians 5:21, 23,25,28,33

“Submit yourselves one to another in the fear of God.”

First, submit yourselves to the Lordship of Jesus Christ.

Secondly, mutually submit yourselves to one another.

Thirdly, wives submit to husbands.

“Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord.”

To set in array under

Trust God to work through your husband

Yielding to, easily entreated, open to reason and appeal and willing to change when one is wrong

“For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church.”

In direction, love and care as the head of the body

“Husbands, love your wives even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it;”

Agape = God kind of love demonstrated

“So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies.  He that loveth his wife loveth himself.

Agape = God kind of love demonstrated

“Nevertheless let every one of you in particular so love his wife even as himself; and the wife see that she reverence her husband.”

Agape = God kind of love demonstrated

Respect, honor and praise

Proverbs 31:28 “Her husband also, he praiseth her.”

Godly praise and compliments but not flattery.

Colossians 3:18-19

“Wives submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as it is fit in the Lord.”

Befits those who love the Lord

As the Lord requires

“Husbands love your wives and be not bitter against them.”

Be affectionate both verbal and physical with no strings attached.

Not resentful, not treating harshly or roughly

I Peter 3:1-7

“Likewise, ye wives, be in subjection to your own husbands;”

Submit, fit into God’s plans for him as his helper

“That if any obey not the word, they also may without the word be won by the conversation of the wives;”

Disbelieve the word, reject the message

Apart from the word

“conversation” means daily life, consistent behavior

“While they behold your chaste conversation coupled with fear.”

Behold: See by your actions

Pure, respectful and God-fearing

“Whose adorning let it not be outward adorning but let it be the hidden man of the heart, even the ornament of a meek and quiet spirit, which is in the sight of God of great price.”

Appearance not outward…plaiting the hair, wearing of gold, or putting on of apparel;

Inner life, beauty within

Gentle, modest, quiet attitude

Precious in God’s sight

“For after this manner in the old time the holy women also, who

trusted in God, being in subjection unto their own husbands: adorned

themselves even as Sarah obeyed Abraham…” (Genesis 20:1-18)

Sarah trusted God as she obeyed Abraham.

“Likewise, ye husbands, dwell with your wives according to knowledge.”

Know your wives: Body, Mind and Spirit

Thoughtful, understanding and considerate

Express verbally…I love you, I enjoyed it, You look nice, House is clean, Give gifts/flowers, Give yourselves, Continue to date/court, Little things mean a lot.

I Corinthians 14:34-35 “Answer your wives questions…teach your wives at home in word and action.”

“Giving honor unto the wife, as unto the weaker vessel.”

Value and worth

Less strength not less value

“Being heirs together of the grace of life.”

Galatians 3:28 “There is neither male nor female: for ye are all one in Christ Jesus.”

“That your prayers be not hindered.”

Greek: to cut off

Decision making: Share first thoughts or impressions of possible future decisions, Search the Scripture, Seek wife’s counsel, Pray together, Counsel with other mature believers/elders

Titus 2:4-5

“Women to be sober”

Discreet, orderly, sound mind, controlled, live quietly

“To love their husbands”

Greek: philanthropia = friendship

Should be best friends

“To love their children”

Greek: philoteknos = love of children

“To be discreet”

Serious, sensible, good judgment

“Chaste”

Pure-minded

“Keepers at home”

Workers at home, housekeepers, homemakers

“Good”

Kind and good natured

“Obedient to their own husbands”

Submissive, respectful

“That the word of God be not blasphemed.”

To speak injuriously

Hebrews 13:4 “Marriage is honorable in all and the bed undefiled”

“Honorable”: Respected, esteemed precious, of great value

“Undefiled”: Pure, sacred

Revelation 19:7-9 “Let us be glad and rejoice, and give honor to Him: for the marriage of the Lamb is come, and His wife hath made herself ready.  And to her was granted that she should be arrayed in fine linen, clean and white: for the fine linen is the righteousness of saints.  And he saith unto me, Write, Blessed are they which are called unto the marriage supper of the Lamb.  And he saith unto me, These are the true sayings of God.” 

Revelation 22:17 “And the Spirit and the bride say, Come.  And let him that heareth say, Come.  And let him that is athirst come.  And whosoever will, let him take of the water of life freely.”

OTHER SCRIPTURE REFERENCES:

Matthew 2:13-15 Joseph and Mary in Egypt

Luke 1:26-38 Mary: “Behold the handmaid of the Lord; be it unto me according to thy word.”

Genesis 20:1-18 Abraham and Sarah in Gerar

Esther 4:14-16 Mordecai: “Who knoweth whether thou art come to the kingdom for such a time as this?  Esther If I perish, I perish.”

Proverbs 31:1-31 Woman whose husband sat at the gate of the city

Psalms 68:5: “A Father of the fatherless, and a judge (discerner) of the widows, is God in His holy habitation.”

Isaiah 54:5-6 “For thy Maker is thine husband; the Lord of hosts is His Name; and thy Redeemer the Holy One of Israel; The God of the whole earth shall He be called.  For the Lord hath called thee as a woman forsaken and grieved in spirit, and a wife of youth, when thou wast refused, saith Go